Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Alive.
So much puke
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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