The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
