Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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