can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
