He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
