I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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