What did we do last night that was yellow?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
