im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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