Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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