I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
