I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
