Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
