Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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