so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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