I've blown a few things in my day
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
