i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
