I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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