I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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