My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
