You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
