She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Randomize
