Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize