I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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