I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
