So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
