I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
