Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
