ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
