I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
