He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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