this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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