R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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