I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
