Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize