Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
