I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just want to make out with him forever
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
