Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
