Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
