I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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