I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
