Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
