My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
