Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize