Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
