You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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