Heybabeimwearingurpanties
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize