did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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