He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
