kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
