DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize