proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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