how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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