I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
