I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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