I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
