I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
