Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Randomize
