First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
