Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize