well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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