I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
