$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize