Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I had to cum in my sink.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
