dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
