I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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