he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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