i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She told me I should be a condom model.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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