i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I believe in your delicious
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
