I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
