I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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