I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
